Acceptance

Acceptance is the best thing that you can do for yourself and your loved one.  Once you've been given a diagnosis, get a second opinion.  If they are the same, as hard as it may be, you will need to accept it as best you can.  I believe you will be happier and less likely to feel regret later if you don't fight the diagnosis until the bitter end of the battle.  


In reality, if you think about it, does it really matter what the diagnosis is? Blind people still want to see, deaf people still want to hear.  Someone in the early stages of Alzheimer's still wants to function.   Someday, hopefully, there will be better ways to treat, and, perhaps, even cure the disease.  But, for now, we have no magic wand. Try to accept where you are in the process and know that there will be good and bad days ahead of you.  Don't waist the precious little time that you have left.


The sooner you accept what is coming, the sooner you can learn coping mechanisms to make each day better and prepare for the future.  Start figuring out how to make your loved one as independent as they can be, safely.  The small stuff really matters. Let your loved one straighten the newspapers, load the dishwasher, or just do any daily task that they can, within reason.  It doesn't matter if it isn't perfect.  If it still bugs you, later, you can do it again, yourself.  Hopefully, you will see the benefit of learning to live with less than perfect results and just enjoy being with your loved one.  At the end of the day, perfection is not something you cross off of your to do list.  Your to do list should be filled with commitment, laughter, bonding, teaching and accepting.


At the top of your to do list should be relief for yourself, the caregiver.  If you are spending a great deal of time with someone that is in the mid to late stages of Alzheimer's, you need a break.  Either work, time with friends, volunteering or a long walk.  Make sure your loved one is safe and then clear your mind, body and spirit. This will give you the stamina to make the journey down the long road ahead of you.   Share your thoughts with your friends.  They likely have an idea of what's going on; don't try to hide what you are going through.  There is nothing to be ashamed of; this is a disease not a choice.


Make sure that everyday has some kind of success for both your sakes.  Don't spend so much time planning to make sure your loved one is safe and has their needs met that you forget to smell the roses.  Take time to pray, laugh and enjoy. This will help you get one step closer to acceptance. Grace is a gift from God; acceptance is your gift to your loved one.